WHY GOLF IS GREAT (2002)

What is the best sport? It's one of the great debates in our country, one which you can hear argued at your local bastion of culture we commonly call the "sports bar." Some contend it's football, some baseball, and others, even basketball. But nothing compares with golf.

It's a beautiful Saturday morning. You find the last spot amongst the BMWs, the Cadillacs, that rebellious desert-green Grand Cherokee. You step out and smell the grass, freshly cut by some enterprising young minority. And then, it's off to the course . . . where you swing, followed by that immaculate sound, and watch as the bright, pockmarked ball races toward its destiny . . . inspired by God! O the poetry!

And the only thing better than playing golf is watching it on television. Imagine this scene: it's late at night and you're following highlights of the 1997 San Bernardino Open on the Golf Channel, sipping a tasty micro brew -- perhaps one with a fruity additive -- a smiling female companion quietly at your side. Your thoughts become the ball as you drift into a beautiful abyss.

For years, golf had the stigma of being something racist and exclusive. But no more. Now, you can see people of color at every course Tiger Woods plays. And golf is no longer only for doctors, lawyers, and captains of industry. Now, plumbers, carpenters, and other proletariats can also play. Just as long as they keep to their public courses.

The turmoil that has racked Afghanistan for decades may be directly related to their lack of golf courses. If they could only experience a driving iron, a sand trap, a double eagle, they would forget all about hunger, injustice, and inhumanity. Golf could be their first step toward attaining the American way of life, with its promise of true happiness and bliss.